Achieving sound mental health, peace

The human mind is the most complex machine on Earth. It is the source of all our thoughts and behaviours. Although we cannot see the mind, everything we do, think, feel and say is determined by the functioning of this human faculty. Our external behaviours are also influenced by our mind. Psychologists have been emphasising the importance of understanding the human mind in order to have an idea about the behavioural problems of human beings, so that we can deal with these ailments successfully and enjoy a meaningful life. In this regard, the book 'Mon o Manosikata' (Understanding the Mind) is a very timely initiative by Dr. Mehtab Khanam, a noted psychologist, counsellor and a professor at the Department of Educational Psychology, Dhaka University.
The book is divided into eight main sections containing a total of 63 short articles by the author. The pieces were published earlier in the leading Bangla dailies.
Topics related to 'conjugal life' are discussed in the first section of the book. Needless to say that 'love' is the most important ingredient in husband-wife relationship in a conjugal life. But "can love alone play the main role in sustainable conjugal relationship?" The author attempts to answer this vital question in the opening chapter.  Here she mentions a ground-breaking research work conducted by Michael Gurian, an American author, social philosopher and a marriage and family counsellor. Basing on his two decades of neurobiological research, Gurian explores that romantic relationship between a husband and a wife fluctuates at different stages in life. He has made a profound statement on the role of men in modern culture, and suggests a way for men and women to thrive together in what he calls 'intimate separateness'.  The brain, he says, doesn't just seek more intimacy; it also seeks less intimacy at different times. Mental preparation before marriage is very crucial to a successful conjugal life. The author urges introducing 'pre-marital counselling' which, she believes, can be an effective strategy to maintain healthy relationship in conjugal life.
The second section of the book focuses on the topics related to children's healthy growth and development. Children, in general, tend to grow up to adulthood similar to that of their parents.  Parents play a major role in the future shaping of their children.  If they do a good job of parenting, it means children also get a lot of good things from them. The author believes parents with good sense of self-esteem tend to raise children with an enhanced degree of this virtue. Parents who succeed in education tend to have children meeting and even surpassing their accomplishments. And children of divorced families are more likely to break up in married lives. It is also true that children of happily married couples tend to find the same happiness in their own conjugal relationships. Understanding the child is one of the most important things that one should learn as a parent. Parents need to bear in mind that each child has unique personality traits that remain consistent throughout his or her life. However, the author observes, being a responsible parent is difficult especially in these days when parents spend more time working rather than being with their kids. Understanding the child can be an effective way of becoming successful in the art of parenting.
The next section of the book examines the issues related to emotion and mental health. People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their thoughts, feelings and behaviours. They feel good about themselves and have good relationships. They can keep problems in perspective. The author emphasises why we should take care of our mind. Many of us spend an exorbitant amount of time and energy - not to mention money - taking care of our bodies, and trying to keep ourselves in the best possible looks. But when it comes to the mind, less attention is paid. Taking care of the mind generally comes as an afterthought, and often we think of the mind as something outside our control. Researches have shown time and again that the way we take care of ourselves is related to how long we live and how happy we are. Those who take care of their physical and mental health needs are much happier.
The fourth section focuses on the topics related to women's self-reliance and development. The author observes that in many families girls are not treated with due respect which ultimately has a negative impact on the family as well as the community. She urges that parents should teach social skills to their daughters which can help develop self-esteem in them. Essays related to 'education, attitude and self-development' are discussed in the fifth chapter of the book. Researches show that the positive attitude towards education is one of the most important factors in predicting academic success. The author believes that a positive attitude towards learning is not something we are born with; it needs time and effort to develop and nurture it within ourselves.
The next chapter examines the topics related to 'interpersonal relationship', which is very important to both mental and physical health. Researches support the idea that if we have strong, caring relationships with the family and friends, we are more likely to be healthy and can live longer. Interpersonal relationship requires the utmost effort to nurture and maintain it. This chapter also covers an important topic titled 'Generation Gap'. Generation gap is a major reason why parents and children today are moving away from each other. As we all know, environment has changed, so has the lifestyle, and with those changes the mind of children as well. Today's generation does not like others interfering with any of their personal matters; they do not like their parents ordering them, and if the parents try and tell them what's wrong for them, they become rude with their mothers or fathers. Now the question arises: what is the reason behind all these?  Is it the parents' wrong way to deal with their children or is it caused by the so-called generation gap? Generation gap, the author believes, is basically created by the parents themselves. They hardly talk to their children and thrust their own points of view on their children. What warrants attention is that the parents are just so busy with their work and jobs that they do not have time for their family and their children. And they realise it when a huge distance has been created between their kids and them. The problem of generation gap can be easily solved. It is essential that parents allow more freedom to their children so that they can express themselves. Whereas children should remember that freedom is not something to be overindulged in.
Section seven of the book discusses 'mental health awareness and the role of counselling'. Mental health problems are on the rise worldwide. The author urges introducing mental health counselling through telephone including mobile phones. She also believes that professional counsellors understand the principles of human development, psychology and mental health issues; and they can establish effective relationships with people from diverse cultures. The last section of the book focuses on the issues related to 'responsible citizens and social obligations'. Every person has a duty to be a responsible citizen. But unfortunately, not everyone takes this responsibility seriously.  The author hopes that we use our conscience and avoid unhealthy social practices for the betterment of our families as well as the communities. Professor Mehtab Khanam uses many case studies and real-life stories in her book which makes the topics lively and easily understandable. The author deserves plaudits for her dedication and efforts to produce this informative and useful book.
The writer is an independent researcher.
 [email protected]

.......................................................

Mon o Manosikata (Understanding the Mind)
 By Mehtab Khanam
University Press Limited (UPL)
Published in August, 2010
ISBN: 978-984-8815-67-0, pages 264