Delayed marriage: Mental pressure on women
Sunday, 7 December 2008
Sebika Debnath
SUKRITY Dutta, a brilliant student of Dhaka University's Mass Communication and Journalism Department, is under tremendous pressure to get married. But, she doesn't want to marry before she joins a good job after university.
"In fact, I've been under pressure since my admission to the university and now I'm facing a mounting pressure. Though my parents understand my feelings a little bit, our relatives aren't ready to accept it that a girl can delay her marriage," says Sukrity.
"Are marriage, family and children everything in women's lives? Don't they have any other role to play? I've decided to not to merry until I become self-reliant. Many of those who are insisting on my getting married won't be there when I'll be in trouble," a defiant Sukrity says.
She goes on: "After my university, I want to join a good job. I want to prove my worth. There is a plenty of time to think about marriage, family and children."
Shimul Biswas, a fourth-year student of National University, also says she is not in a hurry for marriage. "My parents want to marry me off. Now I have to live in Dhaka, away from my family, due to my education. Whenever I go back home, my parents. and close relatives exert pressure on me to get married. But I don't like this," she says.
"Sometimes my relatives want to blackmail me emotionally. I try to make them understand that those days are over when girls used to be married off at an early age. Due to my refusal to marry, I have to eat such bad remarks," Shimul says.
Shimul further says, "Sometimes I think had I been a boy my parents would have put pressure on me to marry before getting self-reliant. This attitude towards girls should go. Given a chance, girls can prove that they are worthy elements in the society."
Like Sukrity and Shimul, many women want to marry late, as they are more concerned about their economic emancipation than getting married.
Nihar Ranjan Sarker, head of Psychology Department at the Dhaka University, says, "Women are now interested in education, which is certainly a good sign for the country. They want to be self-reliant by proving their worth. Late marriage also contributes to population control and helps save women from diseases caused by having children at an early age."
"Women will have to play a powerful role. And cooperation from families is absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, the situation in villages is even worse than towns. Girls seldom get the opportunity to establish themselves due to many practical reasons. The change of mentality is essential to address the issue," he says.
Advocate Masuda Rehana Begum, a senior official of Bangladesh Mohila Parishad, says, "The insecurity of women is no more a problem for them. In fact, it has become a national problem. Every woman has to be aware about her own rights. A woman will have to take herself to such a stage where no one will be able to anything on her."
Dhaka University law professor Dr Liakat Ali Siddique says women are trying to prove their worth with their increased participation in the economy. It is essential for women to get married within a certain age, as they can't have children after that. But, if the government provides them special privileges in higher education and jobs, women will become more confident and will not suffer from uncertainty about their lives. Under no circumstances, women should be pressured for getting married early.
Dr Atiqur Rahman, a professor of Dhaka University's Social Welfare and Research Institute, says: "Although it is the basic right of every person to take decision about his or her life, women in Bangladesh have no liberty to decide about their marriage. Women have no say in this male-dominated society. Women are cheated everywhere. And the country's present culture is responsible for this. So, a positive change is desperately needed."
Asked about how to change this, he says, "Such an old culture can't be changed overnight. It has to be done gradually. The rights of women have to be ensured by the state. In education and jobs, women will have to be given priorities. There should be more quotas for them, if necessary."
"We need to keep in mind that women are our assets. Forced marriage is a kind of state offence. Families, the government and most importantly women themselves will have to be aware about that," he added.
Dhaka University teacher Sanjida Akhter says the issue of depriving women of taking decisions should not be taken lightly. Those who are trying to establish themselves overcoming all the obstacles, deserve all the assistance.
She also says that a significant change in the education system is needed to reduce the session jam and it will help women find jobs and start family life a lot earlier. In case of higher education, quota system can be introduced for women. Women organizations and media should play a stronger role for the welfare of women.
Due to delayed marriage, many think, women face problems like difficulties relating to pregnancy and other problems while giving birth to, and raising children. Even there is a possibility of not having children at all.
Dr Bilkis Begum of Dhaka Medical College Hospital agrees with that and says, "Definitely, it's a good sign that our girls are trying to empower themselves. But it has to be mentioned that 'conceiving' before the age of 30 is considered risk-free while after 30 it is a bit risky. Women having babies at an older age are vulnerable to many diseases. Their babies may also suffer from certain diseases."
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NewsNetwork
SUKRITY Dutta, a brilliant student of Dhaka University's Mass Communication and Journalism Department, is under tremendous pressure to get married. But, she doesn't want to marry before she joins a good job after university.
"In fact, I've been under pressure since my admission to the university and now I'm facing a mounting pressure. Though my parents understand my feelings a little bit, our relatives aren't ready to accept it that a girl can delay her marriage," says Sukrity.
"Are marriage, family and children everything in women's lives? Don't they have any other role to play? I've decided to not to merry until I become self-reliant. Many of those who are insisting on my getting married won't be there when I'll be in trouble," a defiant Sukrity says.
She goes on: "After my university, I want to join a good job. I want to prove my worth. There is a plenty of time to think about marriage, family and children."
Shimul Biswas, a fourth-year student of National University, also says she is not in a hurry for marriage. "My parents want to marry me off. Now I have to live in Dhaka, away from my family, due to my education. Whenever I go back home, my parents. and close relatives exert pressure on me to get married. But I don't like this," she says.
"Sometimes my relatives want to blackmail me emotionally. I try to make them understand that those days are over when girls used to be married off at an early age. Due to my refusal to marry, I have to eat such bad remarks," Shimul says.
Shimul further says, "Sometimes I think had I been a boy my parents would have put pressure on me to marry before getting self-reliant. This attitude towards girls should go. Given a chance, girls can prove that they are worthy elements in the society."
Like Sukrity and Shimul, many women want to marry late, as they are more concerned about their economic emancipation than getting married.
Nihar Ranjan Sarker, head of Psychology Department at the Dhaka University, says, "Women are now interested in education, which is certainly a good sign for the country. They want to be self-reliant by proving their worth. Late marriage also contributes to population control and helps save women from diseases caused by having children at an early age."
"Women will have to play a powerful role. And cooperation from families is absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, the situation in villages is even worse than towns. Girls seldom get the opportunity to establish themselves due to many practical reasons. The change of mentality is essential to address the issue," he says.
Advocate Masuda Rehana Begum, a senior official of Bangladesh Mohila Parishad, says, "The insecurity of women is no more a problem for them. In fact, it has become a national problem. Every woman has to be aware about her own rights. A woman will have to take herself to such a stage where no one will be able to anything on her."
Dhaka University law professor Dr Liakat Ali Siddique says women are trying to prove their worth with their increased participation in the economy. It is essential for women to get married within a certain age, as they can't have children after that. But, if the government provides them special privileges in higher education and jobs, women will become more confident and will not suffer from uncertainty about their lives. Under no circumstances, women should be pressured for getting married early.
Dr Atiqur Rahman, a professor of Dhaka University's Social Welfare and Research Institute, says: "Although it is the basic right of every person to take decision about his or her life, women in Bangladesh have no liberty to decide about their marriage. Women have no say in this male-dominated society. Women are cheated everywhere. And the country's present culture is responsible for this. So, a positive change is desperately needed."
Asked about how to change this, he says, "Such an old culture can't be changed overnight. It has to be done gradually. The rights of women have to be ensured by the state. In education and jobs, women will have to be given priorities. There should be more quotas for them, if necessary."
"We need to keep in mind that women are our assets. Forced marriage is a kind of state offence. Families, the government and most importantly women themselves will have to be aware about that," he added.
Dhaka University teacher Sanjida Akhter says the issue of depriving women of taking decisions should not be taken lightly. Those who are trying to establish themselves overcoming all the obstacles, deserve all the assistance.
She also says that a significant change in the education system is needed to reduce the session jam and it will help women find jobs and start family life a lot earlier. In case of higher education, quota system can be introduced for women. Women organizations and media should play a stronger role for the welfare of women.
Due to delayed marriage, many think, women face problems like difficulties relating to pregnancy and other problems while giving birth to, and raising children. Even there is a possibility of not having children at all.
Dr Bilkis Begum of Dhaka Medical College Hospital agrees with that and says, "Definitely, it's a good sign that our girls are trying to empower themselves. But it has to be mentioned that 'conceiving' before the age of 30 is considered risk-free while after 30 it is a bit risky. Women having babies at an older age are vulnerable to many diseases. Their babies may also suffer from certain diseases."
......................
NewsNetwork