Dowry: A poison to the society******
Saturday, 23 April 2011
M. Mizanur Rahman
A report of Bangladesh Society for the Enforcement of Human Rights (BSEHR) says that 249 women were killed in 2010 in dowry-related violence, which is more than double the number of 109 deaths for the same reason in 2009. In 2008, the number of dowry victims was 114 and in 2007 it was 145. Reports say, in the month of March this year about 18 women were tortured to death. Even, many of these incidents are not reported only for the pressure of the male counterpart. The tendency of giving and receiving dowry is more common in the poor and lower middle class families. Despite the legal prohibition, the practice of paying a dowry has not stopped or diminished. Repression of women for their inability to bring adequate or repeated installments of dowry from their poor parents and resultant deaths or grievous injuries is rather disquietingly frequent. I had two different experiences in two parts of the country, one is in the north-east part and another is in the very south-west. Dowry is so prevalent in the area of Rangpur, Kurigram, Gaibandha and Nilphamari district that not a single marriage is imaginable without it. The unemployed youths wait to get married, and to start a business with the money they get from the parents of the girls. So, marriage has become a means of employment for them. The parents of the girls see it nothing unusual or illegal rather they are happy to give the money expecting a prosperous life of the newly married couple. Even in many cases, it has become an issue of prestige for the dowry giving parents. They are in a competition that how much dowry they can give. The bigger the amount of money, the more prestige one upholds. But in many cases, the poor parents cannot meet the demand of dowry and thus the daughters remain unmarried. In the rural areas of the country, it is a shame for the parents if they cannot get their daughters married before 18. So, if they can not arrange marriage, they send their daughters to the capital as garment workers. The girls start to struggle with their new lives with very lower wage, inhuman pressure and a very disgraceful treatment in their working place. Spiritually most of the workers die after joining the industry, and often they meet physical death in procession, riot or fire incidents. Being isolated from the family and the society, these girls can never get the same treatment from their society that they received earlier. What more life can do to them? This is the story of no dowry no marriage. But marriage with unpaid dowry is more dangerous. Husbands do not hesitate to beat their wives to death only for a very small amount of money. Situation is quite different in the south-western part of the country. Here the parents deliberately get their daughters divorced. Maximum of the people in this area argue that with the passage of time, tendency of getting divorce is increasing. Where there are more girls in a family, the parents get the first daughter married with a good amount of dowry. At the same time, the Denmohr of that marriage is at least three times more than the amount given as dowry. So, when the girl divorces her husband, she gets back the entire money (the dowry given and the Denmohr). And with this accumulated money, the parents get the other daughters married. I observed a number of families in the Chakoria and Shilkhali Union of Cox's Bazar, who did the same trick. It may seem very inhuman and fraud like behaviour, but the helplessness of the parents should be taken into consideration. Again in many areas, the evidence of getting money from the Mohazons with a high rate of interest has been observed. The helpless parents become compelled to borrow money for meeting the demand of the groom. There are many severe consequences resulting from the payment of dowries. First, failure to meet the dowry demands or the new demands often results in verbal and physical abuse of the wife. Physical abuse includes beating, burning with cigarettes, withholding foods, sleep deprivation and denial of medical treatment. The abuse may be meted out by the husband or members of his family, especially his mother. Verbal abuse may include starting rumours about the character or behavior of the wife and often the girls feel unable to disclose the situation to her parents. If the physical abuse continues and worsens, this may lead to the wife committing suicide. "Marriage squeeze" theory argues that dowry occurs when there are more women than men in the marriage market. Statistics show that gradually the proportion of women in the total population is increasing. So, according to the theory, this tendency of giving and taking dowry will be on the rise if this is not immediately controlled. One single initiative to prevent this practice of dowry transaction cannot work in any way. Whenever any parent refuses to give dowry some other parents invite the bride to marry their daughters with a good amount of money. So, the daughters are to remain unmarried without dowry. It has become almost inescapable. When we are claiming to be civilised and liberal to give the proper rights and honour to the women, demeaning of the women is violently increasing with the growing practice of dowry. Still now in many families, girls are not welcomed only for the fear of giving dowry. The treatment of the women at the time of marriage is just like goods in the market. In the opposite picture, a girl is used as an instrument to manage some money for getting the other daughters married. So, the entire concept and the system hinder establishing equal rights of women in the society. We are just plunging into more and more elusive and masked society which is never in the favour of uplifting human rights. In this situation, a collaborative effort needs to be taken. First of all, a social movement against dowry can be initiated by the common people. And then of course, government needs to come up with stringent laws and proper implementation of those laws. So, both the initiative of the government and common people can only cure the disease. Absence of any will spoil the effort from the other. Social norms should be motivated in such a way that common people will believe that the more amount of dowry they give, the more they demean themselves. The writer is a development researcher, and can be reached at E-mail : mithunmds07@gmail.com
A report of Bangladesh Society for the Enforcement of Human Rights (BSEHR) says that 249 women were killed in 2010 in dowry-related violence, which is more than double the number of 109 deaths for the same reason in 2009. In 2008, the number of dowry victims was 114 and in 2007 it was 145. Reports say, in the month of March this year about 18 women were tortured to death. Even, many of these incidents are not reported only for the pressure of the male counterpart. The tendency of giving and receiving dowry is more common in the poor and lower middle class families. Despite the legal prohibition, the practice of paying a dowry has not stopped or diminished. Repression of women for their inability to bring adequate or repeated installments of dowry from their poor parents and resultant deaths or grievous injuries is rather disquietingly frequent. I had two different experiences in two parts of the country, one is in the north-east part and another is in the very south-west. Dowry is so prevalent in the area of Rangpur, Kurigram, Gaibandha and Nilphamari district that not a single marriage is imaginable without it. The unemployed youths wait to get married, and to start a business with the money they get from the parents of the girls. So, marriage has become a means of employment for them. The parents of the girls see it nothing unusual or illegal rather they are happy to give the money expecting a prosperous life of the newly married couple. Even in many cases, it has become an issue of prestige for the dowry giving parents. They are in a competition that how much dowry they can give. The bigger the amount of money, the more prestige one upholds. But in many cases, the poor parents cannot meet the demand of dowry and thus the daughters remain unmarried. In the rural areas of the country, it is a shame for the parents if they cannot get their daughters married before 18. So, if they can not arrange marriage, they send their daughters to the capital as garment workers. The girls start to struggle with their new lives with very lower wage, inhuman pressure and a very disgraceful treatment in their working place. Spiritually most of the workers die after joining the industry, and often they meet physical death in procession, riot or fire incidents. Being isolated from the family and the society, these girls can never get the same treatment from their society that they received earlier. What more life can do to them? This is the story of no dowry no marriage. But marriage with unpaid dowry is more dangerous. Husbands do not hesitate to beat their wives to death only for a very small amount of money. Situation is quite different in the south-western part of the country. Here the parents deliberately get their daughters divorced. Maximum of the people in this area argue that with the passage of time, tendency of getting divorce is increasing. Where there are more girls in a family, the parents get the first daughter married with a good amount of dowry. At the same time, the Denmohr of that marriage is at least three times more than the amount given as dowry. So, when the girl divorces her husband, she gets back the entire money (the dowry given and the Denmohr). And with this accumulated money, the parents get the other daughters married. I observed a number of families in the Chakoria and Shilkhali Union of Cox's Bazar, who did the same trick. It may seem very inhuman and fraud like behaviour, but the helplessness of the parents should be taken into consideration. Again in many areas, the evidence of getting money from the Mohazons with a high rate of interest has been observed. The helpless parents become compelled to borrow money for meeting the demand of the groom. There are many severe consequences resulting from the payment of dowries. First, failure to meet the dowry demands or the new demands often results in verbal and physical abuse of the wife. Physical abuse includes beating, burning with cigarettes, withholding foods, sleep deprivation and denial of medical treatment. The abuse may be meted out by the husband or members of his family, especially his mother. Verbal abuse may include starting rumours about the character or behavior of the wife and often the girls feel unable to disclose the situation to her parents. If the physical abuse continues and worsens, this may lead to the wife committing suicide. "Marriage squeeze" theory argues that dowry occurs when there are more women than men in the marriage market. Statistics show that gradually the proportion of women in the total population is increasing. So, according to the theory, this tendency of giving and taking dowry will be on the rise if this is not immediately controlled. One single initiative to prevent this practice of dowry transaction cannot work in any way. Whenever any parent refuses to give dowry some other parents invite the bride to marry their daughters with a good amount of money. So, the daughters are to remain unmarried without dowry. It has become almost inescapable. When we are claiming to be civilised and liberal to give the proper rights and honour to the women, demeaning of the women is violently increasing with the growing practice of dowry. Still now in many families, girls are not welcomed only for the fear of giving dowry. The treatment of the women at the time of marriage is just like goods in the market. In the opposite picture, a girl is used as an instrument to manage some money for getting the other daughters married. So, the entire concept and the system hinder establishing equal rights of women in the society. We are just plunging into more and more elusive and masked society which is never in the favour of uplifting human rights. In this situation, a collaborative effort needs to be taken. First of all, a social movement against dowry can be initiated by the common people. And then of course, government needs to come up with stringent laws and proper implementation of those laws. So, both the initiative of the government and common people can only cure the disease. Absence of any will spoil the effort from the other. Social norms should be motivated in such a way that common people will believe that the more amount of dowry they give, the more they demean themselves. The writer is a development researcher, and can be reached at E-mail : mithunmds07@gmail.com