Of borrowing pens and cigarettes
Saturday, 18 February 2012
Maswood Alam Khan from Maryland, USA
Life in America is not refreshing for one like me who used to smoke in Bangladesh. In America, smoking is a punishing habit. You can't smoke inside a house or an office. To smoke, you have to find a corner far away from people, as if you steal or do something shameful when you smoke.
In Bangladesh, I was a 10-stick a day Benson smoker and I have not had a day without a cigarette since I started smoking eons ago. I am now a 5-stick a day 'Marlboro Regular' man. It costs me a fortune to buy a pack of cigarette because taxes on cigarettes in America are astronomical. I feel cowed and ashamed of my smoking. I wish I could rid myself of this horrible addiction. But, I love everything about smoking -- lighting the cigarette up, inhaling the smoke deep into my lungs, breathing out the smoke and the smell it leaves behind. I enjoy the last pull before throwing my cigarette away or stubbing it out in an ashtray.
The most interesting experience on smoking I have gathered in America is not from smoking itself but from strangers approaching me for a cigarette whenever I would smoke. It is a strange experience to find Americans feeling no sense of shy or guilt in asking for a cigarette from a complete stranger.
My friends in Bangladesh would love to give me or take from me cigarettes whenever it was appropriate. It was normal in a friendly environment. Never in Bangladesh did a stranger ever approach me to give him a cigarette. But, Americans don't mind to request you for a cigarette.
I was surprised when one gentleman for the first time in my life in America had approached me and said, "May I borrow a cigarette?" I could not say no and gave a cigarette for him to smoke. As I was walking back home with a cigarette burning between my lips I wondered why the guy did want to borrow a cigarette from a stranger like me! He could have just asked me to spare a cigarette for him. Is it a part of the smoking etiquette in America? I asked myself.
Whenever I'd take out a cigarette from my pack to have a smoke, I, on most occasions, found a man behind me asking for one too! I took it easy. In fact, it is a culture to borrow a cigarette without expectation of returning it -- a culture known as 'bumming' in American parlance. Some people, as I came to learn later, do such bumming out of their bad habit as they don't want to spend their money. Many of those people who habitually bum cigarettes off strangers might have a full pack of cigarettes in their pocket or in their car.
At one stage, I was so fed up with strangers asking me for a cigarette whenever I would light up my cigarette that on many an occasion I would say, "Oh sorry! This is my last one" when in fact I had a whole pack in my pocket. But I could never say 'no' when someone would say, "Can I buy a cigarette?" extending towards me a dollar in his hand -- perhaps another smoking etiquette in America; I would give the guy a cigarette for free, saying courteously, "No need to pay".
One day I myself was desperate for a cigarette and there was no shop around where I could buy a pack of cigarettes. I saw a guy smoking. I wished I asked him to 'borrow' me a cigarette. But, unlike an American, I was too shy a Bangladeshi. I failed to pluck up the courage to approach the smoker to help me satisfy my need for a cigarette.
The catchphrase, "May I borrow a cigarette?" perhaps carries a special cultural connotation like the phrase, "May I borrow your pen?" On many occasions in our daily life, we are short of a simple item we need, such as a pencil to write or a piece of paper to note something on. But, because of the circumstances it is more convenient to request a pencil or a piece of paper from others than to purchase it.
The expression, "May I borrow?" naturally elicits a favourable response from the lender or giver. When we ask to "borrow" a pen there is some expectation that the pen will be returned, and asking to "borrow" a pen conveys not only a tone of courtesy in the request but also invokes the norm of reciprocity. But, when a stranger asks to "borrow" a cigarette from you, it is quite unlikely that the stranger would ever give you a cigarette next time he meets you. But in America, it is customary to request to "borrow" a cigarette when there is no expectation of its return, just as it is customary to ask to borrow a pen when there may well be an expectation of its return -- unless the borrower, mindfully or unmindfully, clips the pen in his own chest pocket.
E-mail : maswood@hotmail.com
Life in America is not refreshing for one like me who used to smoke in Bangladesh. In America, smoking is a punishing habit. You can't smoke inside a house or an office. To smoke, you have to find a corner far away from people, as if you steal or do something shameful when you smoke.
In Bangladesh, I was a 10-stick a day Benson smoker and I have not had a day without a cigarette since I started smoking eons ago. I am now a 5-stick a day 'Marlboro Regular' man. It costs me a fortune to buy a pack of cigarette because taxes on cigarettes in America are astronomical. I feel cowed and ashamed of my smoking. I wish I could rid myself of this horrible addiction. But, I love everything about smoking -- lighting the cigarette up, inhaling the smoke deep into my lungs, breathing out the smoke and the smell it leaves behind. I enjoy the last pull before throwing my cigarette away or stubbing it out in an ashtray.
The most interesting experience on smoking I have gathered in America is not from smoking itself but from strangers approaching me for a cigarette whenever I would smoke. It is a strange experience to find Americans feeling no sense of shy or guilt in asking for a cigarette from a complete stranger.
My friends in Bangladesh would love to give me or take from me cigarettes whenever it was appropriate. It was normal in a friendly environment. Never in Bangladesh did a stranger ever approach me to give him a cigarette. But, Americans don't mind to request you for a cigarette.
I was surprised when one gentleman for the first time in my life in America had approached me and said, "May I borrow a cigarette?" I could not say no and gave a cigarette for him to smoke. As I was walking back home with a cigarette burning between my lips I wondered why the guy did want to borrow a cigarette from a stranger like me! He could have just asked me to spare a cigarette for him. Is it a part of the smoking etiquette in America? I asked myself.
Whenever I'd take out a cigarette from my pack to have a smoke, I, on most occasions, found a man behind me asking for one too! I took it easy. In fact, it is a culture to borrow a cigarette without expectation of returning it -- a culture known as 'bumming' in American parlance. Some people, as I came to learn later, do such bumming out of their bad habit as they don't want to spend their money. Many of those people who habitually bum cigarettes off strangers might have a full pack of cigarettes in their pocket or in their car.
At one stage, I was so fed up with strangers asking me for a cigarette whenever I would light up my cigarette that on many an occasion I would say, "Oh sorry! This is my last one" when in fact I had a whole pack in my pocket. But I could never say 'no' when someone would say, "Can I buy a cigarette?" extending towards me a dollar in his hand -- perhaps another smoking etiquette in America; I would give the guy a cigarette for free, saying courteously, "No need to pay".
One day I myself was desperate for a cigarette and there was no shop around where I could buy a pack of cigarettes. I saw a guy smoking. I wished I asked him to 'borrow' me a cigarette. But, unlike an American, I was too shy a Bangladeshi. I failed to pluck up the courage to approach the smoker to help me satisfy my need for a cigarette.
The catchphrase, "May I borrow a cigarette?" perhaps carries a special cultural connotation like the phrase, "May I borrow your pen?" On many occasions in our daily life, we are short of a simple item we need, such as a pencil to write or a piece of paper to note something on. But, because of the circumstances it is more convenient to request a pencil or a piece of paper from others than to purchase it.
The expression, "May I borrow?" naturally elicits a favourable response from the lender or giver. When we ask to "borrow" a pen there is some expectation that the pen will be returned, and asking to "borrow" a pen conveys not only a tone of courtesy in the request but also invokes the norm of reciprocity. But, when a stranger asks to "borrow" a cigarette from you, it is quite unlikely that the stranger would ever give you a cigarette next time he meets you. But in America, it is customary to request to "borrow" a cigarette when there is no expectation of its return, just as it is customary to ask to borrow a pen when there may well be an expectation of its return -- unless the borrower, mindfully or unmindfully, clips the pen in his own chest pocket.
E-mail : maswood@hotmail.com