Support groups: An emotional safety net

This past Halloween night (October 31), one of my neighbours (let me call her Lillete) went trick-or-treating with her five-year-old granddaughter in matching Winnie the Pooh costumes. It was nice to see her inner youth, all decked out, and joining in on the neighbourhood activity on Halloween night. A week ago, I saw her costume hunting at a strip mall Halloween shop. Earlier in the summer, her husband, a retired professor, died after suffering from Alzheimer disease and permanent dementia for seven years. When Lillete was locked into the role of being the primary caregiver of her husband, the mental and physical exhaustion was seriously affecting her own health. With advice from well-meaning friends and extended family, she had found salvation in an Alzheimer support group. The group provided her a lot of help and encouragement during her husband's illness and after his death. Seeing her last night made me think that because of a strong support system, she is now able to move forward with her life after such a painful loss. She is one of the lucky ones.
But what about those who are emotionally feeling isolated and experiencing severe emotional distress, and have no one to turn to? As a life saver, the most obvious solution would be going to a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist. In a less traumatic situation, just reaching out to someone can bring comfort to ease the pain and despair. Mental health experts suggest that whatever affects the mind will have a direct impact on the body and support from others is vital in recovering one's emotional equilibrium.
However, in any society, anything related to mental health, whether one suffers from mental illness, mild to severe depression or the emotional trauma of losing a loved one is often associated with stigma because of many misconceptions. After the loss of a spouse, sometimes for some people it takes years to recover from the grief; they become withdrawn, depressed and isolated. They don't want to seek help nor allow others to get them help. More often such people refuse to go and see a mental health professional and getting grief counselling sounds preposterous. A person who is suffering for a prolonged period of time remains in denial for as long as he/she can, and usually perceives it shameful to talk about mental health when experiencing any major emotional ordeal.
A recent study revealed that traumatic events are more common in the lives of women.
Few months ago, in a lifestyle magazine, I read an article about a woman who was undergoing enormous amount of psychological turmoil after the break-up of a romantic relationship. Her hope of having a life with the man of her dream was not meant to be and it ended in the most dishonest, cruel and deceitful way. He took no responsibility and simply abandoned her without any regrets. In her reclusive state, she had no one to help her through it, nor give her any moral support. Her boyfriend undoubtedly was responsible for pushing her to a dark place. Unable to cope with what had happened, she sort of curled up and went inside her. Few months on, she got tired of feeling sorry for herself and started to surf the Net. She found a support group called 'I have a broken heart,' and formed a close bond with some of the members. After months of online group discussions, and by sharing her story, she came out of the rejection by overriding all the bitterness and by forgiving the person responsible for putting her through an emotional rollercoaster. Though her past relationship was a failure, she rather learnt that her value comes from who she is as a person, as opposed to who she is with. Feeling empowered, now she is investing her time and energy in becoming an inspirational speaker and thinking of becoming a life coach.
This is one success story.
Often the inability to handle a devastating outcome can crush a person, and that creates a vicious cycle of feeling less than worthy. That feeling can have an adverse effect on both mind and body. To manage everyday anxieties and for the overall well-being, one needs both body and mind skills. For a distressed person, it is important to seek out help by finding the right support group.
A support group whether it is in person, through Facebook, the Internet or talking to a close friend on the telephone, can provide emotional comfort, moral support and tips to help one cope with one's downward situation. Through the sharing process, one can develop a trusting relationship with others which enables him/her to speak honestly and freely. By unburdening one's interpersonal concerns in a group setting, you can convey to others that they are not alone and that helps the traumatised person find the strength and ability to lead an enriched life.
From my readings of many medical journals, I have come to understand that after any kind of trauma, the feeling of enormous dark emptiness can paralyse a person emotionally. If a problem remains unaddressed and undiagnosed then deep psychological issues can emerge that may result in staying in a psychiatric facility for years or sometimes for the duration of their lifetime.
In America, because of fast-paced life, a family member suffering from depression or other psychological problems can go unnoticed for years. Often that person chooses to suffer silently, without revealing it to anyone. In broken families, a mother trying to make ends meet will often ignore or miss the warning signs or symptoms and a cry for help from her child that are visible to a naked eye. Because of the complexities of growing up, during adolescent years, some teenagers get emotionally confused, and they feel alone, pain and unloved. They feel they have no control over their situations and to ease the suffering they sometimes choose suicide as their solution to problems.
But it doesn't have to be this way. Help is out there if one wants to find it. Many non-profit organisations, hospitals and mental health clinics usually form a support group. Often it starts with an initiative of one person. The dilemma starts when a person who needs help refuses to go to therapy. I know someone who has been trying for the past two years now to send her 24-year-old son to a rehabilitation centre for heroin and crystal meth addiction. He refuses to go. Many families live with such problems, unable to find any solution. Marriages are falling apart every day because of substance-dependent children.
With an adult child, a forced intervention is a difficult thing to do. With family mediations, an alcoholic or an addict can recover by going to support groups like Alcoholic Anonymous, and Narcotics Anonymous. The recovery process is very long and a constant struggle when they follow the twelve-step programmes. There are professional counsellors and mental health experts who donate their time to help suffering people learn coping skills. In a group setting, it is easy to open up about the bottled-up feelings to battle the challenges.
Some drug addicts are able to hide their habits from everyone. A lot of addicts have day jobs where no one knows about it. When they decide to get clean, they join a support group to learn coping mechanisms. Recovering addicts have to continue with group or individual therapy, otherwise, there is a possibility of relapse. I read that anything can trigger a relapse. And the recovering addicts live with fear on a daily basis, and for them, it is very hard to balance a normal life without giving into temptations.
In the last few years, there is a new epidemic in America where mid-20's people, unable to find jobs, return to their parent's home. This is a major blow to their ego and they suffer from low self-esteem and social anxiety. They do not want to socialise with anyone, and remain a 'shut-in' in the basement of their parent's home. They stay there for days at a time and don't leave the house. That person may find the support he or she needs in a group where others can be of help. Once the paralysing fear of the outside world is dealt with, a realistic goal for the future can be set to manage daily life.
Some people with relationship problems, or suffering from mild depression or day-to-day stress take an alternate approach by joining a Wellness Group, which has become a new phenomenon in America. In their trendy exercise outfits, the members do intense Yoga, Pilates, and Body Toning moves. There they get some confirmation that whatever stress or anxiety they are feeling on that particular day is normal. In the way of letting off steam, they relate to one another in a similar situation which reduces the feeling of helplessness. The powerless and vulnerable feelings are replaced by positive energy which is a great cure in fighting any inter-personal issues. By being together and through various exercise regimens, they explore the connection between body and mind.
People need support groups for all kinds of reasons. Starting from death of a loved one, depression, anxiety attacks, substance abuse, facing a major illness, relationship problems, burden of a stressful life, or a major life-changing episode can overwhelm a person. Such an impact can weigh heavily on the psyche of that person. As a result, feelings of distress can affect a person's mental and physical health. Getting these negative and debilitating feelings out in the open is essential. In reducing stress responses one needs the ongoing support of others because no one can do it alone.
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