The empire strikes back: Mothers-in-law fight for rights in India
Saturday, 31 October 2009
Roshin Varghese
EVERYBODY has heard of harassed daughters-in-law, but being a mother-in-law can be equally harrowing, claim members of the recently-constituted All India Mothers-in-law Protection Forum (AIMPF).
Traumatised mums-in-law have stitched together this association with steely determination to fight stereotyping and change legislation to safeguard their rights. "On television, we are shown as vicious, while in reality we are victims," says Neena Dhulia, founder member of the AIMPF. A victimised mother-in-law, Mamtha Nayak, another founder member, adds, "We need laws protecting the mother-in-law. There are 15 laws or statutes protecting the daughter-in-law, but none for us."
The unusual and a first-of-its-kind union for mothers-in-law had its beginnings under the long shadow of the King Edward statue in Bangalore's Cubbon Park -- also the venue for the Sunday morning meetings of the Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF), whose mission is to "promote harmony in domestic relations". Sharing their experiences under the shade of the accasia trees, were Neena Dhulia, Mamata Nayak and Sahira Shiggaon, all in their fifties, with a common complaint - their daughters-in-law had made their lives impossible by unfairly vilifying them. The three are members of SIFF, who got discussing their problems and then thought of starting AIMPF.
What began, as a private conversation between these three middle-aged women grew into a group of over 50 women by the time they held their first official meeting in early September 2009. But they find their numbers burgeoning - the founder members have been inundated with telephone calls from Delhi, Chennai, Nagpur and even from as far flung as Russia, America and Britain. However, the membership procedures have yet to be put in place as the organisation is still very new.
But their agenda is very much in place. Together, they have decided to take up several issues, including recent amendments to inheritance laws and the Domestic Violence Act, that they say are used to file false cases against them. According to the AIMPF, the often-cited Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code, which deals with issues related to dowry demands and domestic violence, is too ambiguously worded.
The forum also plans to use its website, http://www.aimpf.org/ to host discussions and debates on these topics. "The forum will take up issues, including amendments to inheritance laws and the Domestic Violence Act," informs Manoj David, SIFF convenor.
"The organisation is not against anyone; it is for mothers-in-law," adds Virag Dhulia, SIFF's public relations officer. "Mostly the women are accused and dragged to court by their daughters-in-law. So we are focusing only on them," he adds.
The recent National Family Health Survey (NFHS-3) reports that women face maximum domestic violence from their own parents rather than from their in-laws. According to NFHS-3, 13.7 per cent women face violence from their own mothers as against 1.7 per cent that are tormented by their mothers-in-law. "There is eight times more violence against the mother-in-law than the daughter-in-law," claims Virag, quoting NFHS reports.
Mamta's husband, Balmiki Nayak, a former Indian Air Force employee, who was sent to police custody under the pretext of demanding dowry, observes, "Around 98 per cent of the dowry cases have been proved false and only a small two per cent have been convicted." The Bangalore-based Nayaks, who went to the K.R. Police Station at the end of January 2009, to protest their innocence were made to wait for 11 hours before their complaint against their daughter-in-law's unfair demands was registered.
When Dr Prema Kumari advertised for a bride for her son, Deepak, little did she realise that it would one day snowball into a case against her - of dowry harassment and cruelty to her daughter-in-law. Deepak was married two-and-a-half years ago and the complaint was filed six months back. Prema has been trying to clear her name and fight for justice, as a mother-in-law who has been falsely implicated. "The domestic violence law needs to be changed. The law is often misused by brides who file false complaints either to get out of the marriage or to blackmail her husband and his family members," she says.
Rajeshwari Shravan Kumar, a soft spoken 50-year-old housewife, too, is completely bewildered by the turn of events that her son, Shravan Kumar's brief, eight-week-long marriage, took. Shravan, who works in a computer firm, got married six months ago. The marriage ended with the bride returning to her home followed by an arrest warrant for the bridegroom and the father-in-law.
Ignorant about the bail procedures and the implication of Section 498A, coupled with accusation of criminal intimidation (Section 506), the family spent one week in police custody in Bangalore. Not only have their names been besmirched, they say, but the bride has also demanded Rs 10,00,000 in exchange for a divorce.
Neena Dhulia, a home-maker, whose daughter-in-law is from Kolkata, had to travel there from Bangalore with her son, Virag, and husband to get bail and fight the accusations the two-month old bride made. Virag had got married six months ago. The girl's family claimed that the Dhulias had made dowry demands. "We are Gujarati Jains and our caste does not believe in the dowry system," says Neena.
Moreover, Neena says, the bride's family asked for Rs 12,00,000 to settle the dowry case. Despite hearing the demand, the police chose to turn a deaf ear, claim the Dhulias. Consequently, Neena spent one night in the police station and her son, three nights. "Our complaints (from a mother-in-law) are rejected by the police. This is because the stringent dowry laws largely favour the daughters-in-law," she says. The reality is that the onus of proof in all such dowry and wife harassment cases is invariably on the husband and his parents.
But how do the women's groups in the city react to the formulation of the association? According to Donna Fernandes of Vimochana, "Rightly or wrongly there is a lot of hype against mothers-in-law. We need to have a dialogue with mothers-in-law. Also, we need to change the perception of article 498 A, which has a broad definition of cruelty (to women)."
But Susan Vellapally, former president of Young Women's Christian Association of Bangalore city, is sceptical. She says, "In my experience, the law is necessary to protect the daughter-in-law and it is not going to go away. Of course, every law can be misused, so it has to be revised and loopholes taken care of with some amendments. There is only a small minority of victimised mothers-in-law, so we need some proof of harassment by the daughter-in-law."
Maybe AIMPF's endeavours to clear the reputation of the much-maligned mother-in-law will be able to make things better for the victimised families.
(Courtesy: NewsNetwork/WFS)
EVERYBODY has heard of harassed daughters-in-law, but being a mother-in-law can be equally harrowing, claim members of the recently-constituted All India Mothers-in-law Protection Forum (AIMPF).
Traumatised mums-in-law have stitched together this association with steely determination to fight stereotyping and change legislation to safeguard their rights. "On television, we are shown as vicious, while in reality we are victims," says Neena Dhulia, founder member of the AIMPF. A victimised mother-in-law, Mamtha Nayak, another founder member, adds, "We need laws protecting the mother-in-law. There are 15 laws or statutes protecting the daughter-in-law, but none for us."
The unusual and a first-of-its-kind union for mothers-in-law had its beginnings under the long shadow of the King Edward statue in Bangalore's Cubbon Park -- also the venue for the Sunday morning meetings of the Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF), whose mission is to "promote harmony in domestic relations". Sharing their experiences under the shade of the accasia trees, were Neena Dhulia, Mamata Nayak and Sahira Shiggaon, all in their fifties, with a common complaint - their daughters-in-law had made their lives impossible by unfairly vilifying them. The three are members of SIFF, who got discussing their problems and then thought of starting AIMPF.
What began, as a private conversation between these three middle-aged women grew into a group of over 50 women by the time they held their first official meeting in early September 2009. But they find their numbers burgeoning - the founder members have been inundated with telephone calls from Delhi, Chennai, Nagpur and even from as far flung as Russia, America and Britain. However, the membership procedures have yet to be put in place as the organisation is still very new.
But their agenda is very much in place. Together, they have decided to take up several issues, including recent amendments to inheritance laws and the Domestic Violence Act, that they say are used to file false cases against them. According to the AIMPF, the often-cited Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code, which deals with issues related to dowry demands and domestic violence, is too ambiguously worded.
The forum also plans to use its website, http://www.aimpf.org/ to host discussions and debates on these topics. "The forum will take up issues, including amendments to inheritance laws and the Domestic Violence Act," informs Manoj David, SIFF convenor.
"The organisation is not against anyone; it is for mothers-in-law," adds Virag Dhulia, SIFF's public relations officer. "Mostly the women are accused and dragged to court by their daughters-in-law. So we are focusing only on them," he adds.
The recent National Family Health Survey (NFHS-3) reports that women face maximum domestic violence from their own parents rather than from their in-laws. According to NFHS-3, 13.7 per cent women face violence from their own mothers as against 1.7 per cent that are tormented by their mothers-in-law. "There is eight times more violence against the mother-in-law than the daughter-in-law," claims Virag, quoting NFHS reports.
Mamta's husband, Balmiki Nayak, a former Indian Air Force employee, who was sent to police custody under the pretext of demanding dowry, observes, "Around 98 per cent of the dowry cases have been proved false and only a small two per cent have been convicted." The Bangalore-based Nayaks, who went to the K.R. Police Station at the end of January 2009, to protest their innocence were made to wait for 11 hours before their complaint against their daughter-in-law's unfair demands was registered.
When Dr Prema Kumari advertised for a bride for her son, Deepak, little did she realise that it would one day snowball into a case against her - of dowry harassment and cruelty to her daughter-in-law. Deepak was married two-and-a-half years ago and the complaint was filed six months back. Prema has been trying to clear her name and fight for justice, as a mother-in-law who has been falsely implicated. "The domestic violence law needs to be changed. The law is often misused by brides who file false complaints either to get out of the marriage or to blackmail her husband and his family members," she says.
Rajeshwari Shravan Kumar, a soft spoken 50-year-old housewife, too, is completely bewildered by the turn of events that her son, Shravan Kumar's brief, eight-week-long marriage, took. Shravan, who works in a computer firm, got married six months ago. The marriage ended with the bride returning to her home followed by an arrest warrant for the bridegroom and the father-in-law.
Ignorant about the bail procedures and the implication of Section 498A, coupled with accusation of criminal intimidation (Section 506), the family spent one week in police custody in Bangalore. Not only have their names been besmirched, they say, but the bride has also demanded Rs 10,00,000 in exchange for a divorce.
Neena Dhulia, a home-maker, whose daughter-in-law is from Kolkata, had to travel there from Bangalore with her son, Virag, and husband to get bail and fight the accusations the two-month old bride made. Virag had got married six months ago. The girl's family claimed that the Dhulias had made dowry demands. "We are Gujarati Jains and our caste does not believe in the dowry system," says Neena.
Moreover, Neena says, the bride's family asked for Rs 12,00,000 to settle the dowry case. Despite hearing the demand, the police chose to turn a deaf ear, claim the Dhulias. Consequently, Neena spent one night in the police station and her son, three nights. "Our complaints (from a mother-in-law) are rejected by the police. This is because the stringent dowry laws largely favour the daughters-in-law," she says. The reality is that the onus of proof in all such dowry and wife harassment cases is invariably on the husband and his parents.
But how do the women's groups in the city react to the formulation of the association? According to Donna Fernandes of Vimochana, "Rightly or wrongly there is a lot of hype against mothers-in-law. We need to have a dialogue with mothers-in-law. Also, we need to change the perception of article 498 A, which has a broad definition of cruelty (to women)."
But Susan Vellapally, former president of Young Women's Christian Association of Bangalore city, is sceptical. She says, "In my experience, the law is necessary to protect the daughter-in-law and it is not going to go away. Of course, every law can be misused, so it has to be revised and loopholes taken care of with some amendments. There is only a small minority of victimised mothers-in-law, so we need some proof of harassment by the daughter-in-law."
Maybe AIMPF's endeavours to clear the reputation of the much-maligned mother-in-law will be able to make things better for the victimised families.
(Courtesy: NewsNetwork/WFS)