When divorce is better than 'staying for the kids'

People often say couples should "stay together for the sake of the kids." But how logical is that, really? Every time I hear it, it feels like an excuse - like parents are blaming their children for their own unhappiness. And honestly, that mindset can be deeply damaging to the children themselves.
Staying in a toxic relationship teaches kids that it's normal to stay with someone who mentally or emotionally drains you. From a child's point of view, growing up in a home filled with tension, silence, or constant conflict sends a harmful message. It tells them that a lack of love, respect, and peace is just part of family life.
If the child is a girl, she might grow up believing that disrespecting or manipulating a partner is acceptable, especially if that's what she saw her mother doing to her father. She might even develop a distrust or resentment towards men.
On the other hand, a boy in such an environment might adopt his father's unhealthy habits, thinking that anger issues, emotional withdrawal, or disrespect towards women are just "how men are."
I've personally heard adults talk about growing up in such households. Many said they resented both parents and themselves for being the reason their parents stayed trapped in a toxic relationship. Some grew up believing they were burdens, not blessings.
Conversely, I've also heard from children of divorced families who later appreciated their parents' decision to separate. They grew up in calmer environments and recognised that their parents were better off apart than together.
Of course, every family situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. But in my opinion, no couple should use their child as a reason to remain in a relationship that causes more harm than healing.
Children grow up healthier when their parents are emotionally stable -- even if they're no longer under the same roof -- rather than when they're constantly exposed to conflict, resentment, or emotional neglect.
So if you truly want to "do it for the kids," consider that sometimes, breaking up is better for the kids.

Ariful Islam Anu
Dhaka
arifbusoc@gmail.com