Why do husbands blame only wives for infertility?
Saturday, 22 September 2007
Nasrin Sultana
When Tajrin's husband asked her permission to take a second wife after 15 years' of their marriage, he had only one point: Tajrin has failed to give him a child. A shocked Tajrin protested but few in the family stood by her side. So, she left her husband paving way for his second marriage.
Looking back at her life, Tajrin, 32, tries to understand what has gone wrong - when and why. She was married off with Saad, the young man she loved and adored when she was still a college girl in her teens.
She conceived soon after her marriage, but she did not want to keep the baby as she wanted to finish her higher studies. So, she consulted with her husband who also favoured an abortion. Since then Tajrin never conceived for the second time. She has got a career and a job in a private firm, but not a child that she so much wants.
Her husband and in-laws now blame her for her inability to produce a child. She was taken to so many doctors who have found her all right, but that did not help her much. The in-laws continued to blame her any way. She was harassed in many ways.
``Why do they blame only me for this? A man can marry again in search of a child. A woman can't do the same when her husband is infertile," moans Tajrin. When she raised this question to his ex-husband he simply replied: "Don't talk like an illiterate person."
According to Fertility Services and Training Centre at Mohammadpur, about 10 per cent married couples in the country suffer from infertility problems. While the rich people can afford the expensive treatment, the poor and the middle class people cannot. So they continue to suffer. The blame is almost always placed on the women.
Citing inability of their wives to produce children, many husbands take second wives. That is a great blow to wives who find it extremelydifficult to share their husbands with other women. Women are generallydeprived of their human rights in this regard.
However, there are still some considerate men who share the sufferings with their wives.
Samia Kabir, a 38-year-old housewife and married for 20 years, considers herself lucky. The couple has adopted a daughter after they realised that they have fertility problems. Instead of blaming his wife, the husband accepted the fact and continued to love her as usual. However, Samia still fears about her and her adopted daughter's future.
``We'll have to tell her the truth one day that she is our adopted daughter," she says.
Prof. Julfi Ara Haider at Dhaka National Medical College and Hospital, questions, "When a couple remains childless, only the women are blamed.''
That is what is happening in our society. Why does the blame go to women only?
It is now proven that men can also be responsible for not being able to produce children. Some studies have found that in 40 per cent cases men are responsible while women are to be blamed in another 40 per cent. In 20 per cent cases, both men and women are responsible.
Rahima Rabbi, 32, has been married since she was an 8th grade student.
She has recently learned that her husband has taken a second wife in a secret marriage. The second marriage has produced a daughter.
``I'm so devastated now. My husband has betrayed me," she cries. Rahima says she can't love her husband as much as she used to do before after she came to know about his second marriage.
— NewsNetwork
When Tajrin's husband asked her permission to take a second wife after 15 years' of their marriage, he had only one point: Tajrin has failed to give him a child. A shocked Tajrin protested but few in the family stood by her side. So, she left her husband paving way for his second marriage.
Looking back at her life, Tajrin, 32, tries to understand what has gone wrong - when and why. She was married off with Saad, the young man she loved and adored when she was still a college girl in her teens.
She conceived soon after her marriage, but she did not want to keep the baby as she wanted to finish her higher studies. So, she consulted with her husband who also favoured an abortion. Since then Tajrin never conceived for the second time. She has got a career and a job in a private firm, but not a child that she so much wants.
Her husband and in-laws now blame her for her inability to produce a child. She was taken to so many doctors who have found her all right, but that did not help her much. The in-laws continued to blame her any way. She was harassed in many ways.
``Why do they blame only me for this? A man can marry again in search of a child. A woman can't do the same when her husband is infertile," moans Tajrin. When she raised this question to his ex-husband he simply replied: "Don't talk like an illiterate person."
According to Fertility Services and Training Centre at Mohammadpur, about 10 per cent married couples in the country suffer from infertility problems. While the rich people can afford the expensive treatment, the poor and the middle class people cannot. So they continue to suffer. The blame is almost always placed on the women.
Citing inability of their wives to produce children, many husbands take second wives. That is a great blow to wives who find it extremelydifficult to share their husbands with other women. Women are generallydeprived of their human rights in this regard.
However, there are still some considerate men who share the sufferings with their wives.
Samia Kabir, a 38-year-old housewife and married for 20 years, considers herself lucky. The couple has adopted a daughter after they realised that they have fertility problems. Instead of blaming his wife, the husband accepted the fact and continued to love her as usual. However, Samia still fears about her and her adopted daughter's future.
``We'll have to tell her the truth one day that she is our adopted daughter," she says.
Prof. Julfi Ara Haider at Dhaka National Medical College and Hospital, questions, "When a couple remains childless, only the women are blamed.''
That is what is happening in our society. Why does the blame go to women only?
It is now proven that men can also be responsible for not being able to produce children. Some studies have found that in 40 per cent cases men are responsible while women are to be blamed in another 40 per cent. In 20 per cent cases, both men and women are responsible.
Rahima Rabbi, 32, has been married since she was an 8th grade student.
She has recently learned that her husband has taken a second wife in a secret marriage. The second marriage has produced a daughter.
``I'm so devastated now. My husband has betrayed me," she cries. Rahima says she can't love her husband as much as she used to do before after she came to know about his second marriage.
— NewsNetwork