Not all can make the most of sunset years

Nilratan Halder | Published: March 31, 2023 21:50:43

Rupert Murdoch proposed to Ann Lesley Smith in New York on St Patrick's Day

Sunset years are resplendent like the setting sun in a clear sky only for the blessed. Few people can live a most fruitful life and end it on a cherished note like A.P.J Abdul Kalam, former president of India. For the majority, the terminal age is very pathetic. There is a common complaint from senior citizens that they are not well looked after. The concept of old homes is imported from the West. But it has caught up with the Bangalee society as well. Some parents opt for living in such homes because the indifference or outright neglect they suffer in their own homes is too much for them. At old homes, there may not be the warmth of heart ---nor is it expected of strangers ---but at least there are arrangements for physical care. Those who cannot afford the cost of old home's stay, at times have to bear with maltreatment for no reason. There have been even cases where old parents were left abandoned in remote places near a jungle or on footpath or blind street away from homes by their own sons and daughters.
In the past senior male members opted for sanyas (life of a monk or hermitage) and banprastha (retirement to forest) after brahmacharja (celibacy) and garhasthya (household obligation). The idea was that after performing the responsibilities of the first two stages of life, the senior male members would hand over responsibilities of their families to the next generation to go to spend the rest of their life in asceticism or meditation.
However those days are gone forever. Today, the reality puts new demands on life. It is in the modern perspective that the life of the ripe age unfolds itself in many hues. When Rupert Murdoch, a media mogul, now at 92, announces his engagement with Ann Lesley Smith,66, to tie their knot in late summer, it may cause many an eyebrow to raise---only more so in some oriental societies. According to his own admission, to many people's surprise, the media titan has fallen in love with the woman who is widow for 14 years. If solemnised, it will be Murdoch's fifth marriage, only a year after his split with his fourth wife supermodel Jerry Hall, and Ann Smith's third.
Gone are the days of hermitage even in this part of the world but there are fathers ---not just in stories or novels but in real life ---who still cannot think of remarrying particularly when they need someone most to take care of a young child or children. They play the roles of both parents and make sacrifices in order not to deposit their loved child/children to a step-mother who may or may not be caring enough. In fact, they do not want to take the risk, lest they have to repent for the rest of their lives.
But some strange events on the reverse side also take place. The other day, a retired professor in a small town in the country's western region entered into wedlock after spending a bachelor life for 65 years. His was a noble mission in that he took responsibility of his younger brothers and sisters after his father's death. All his charges are well established now and the 65-year-old retired professor from a government college felt somewhat lonely and on the insistence of his younger scions, he agreed to the matrimony.
Let alone the multiple ---in fact uncountable --- marriages the Brahmins of yester years had to enter into as a custom, matrimony for the very senile and old was an obligation in order to produce a heir (usually son) who might save his father from being condemned to the hell. Thus 98 or was it 102-year-old Gada Bhoumik married as young as eight-year old Putul Rani. Reports had it that the couple had a son.
Anything of this order is a scandal today because the country has far advanced from the days of Gada Bhoumik. However, there is a word in Bangla lexicon called 'vimroti'. If one in an advanced age fell in love with a young girl or even married a woman, society was quick to label it as 'vimroti' meaning unusual infatuation in an inappropriate age. Can the etymology of the word have any association with the second Pandav Bhima who married Hidimba, a rasksha or demon?
Whatever it is, Rupert Murdoch's society will not be scandalised for his fifth marriage but then people of very advanced age in this part of the world are likely to think twice before entering into any such relationship much as his loneliness may be painful and pathetic.