Kamini Roy's poem "Pachhe Loke Kichhu Bole" (Lest they say something) might be written with female oppression as a theme; however, in this age of curated lifestyles, everyone can relate to those carefully crafted words.
We constantly feel that the clothes we wear, the places we visit, and the work we do should be at a level where others can react and comment on Facebook and Instagram. And if it is not, the photos we capture rarely get the honour of being posted on social media timelines, lest others say something.
"We are way past the era when everyone used to call each other on landlines to ask how they were doing," comments Meherin Sultana, a freshman at the Fine Arts Department of Jagannath University.
"Rather than personally, now we find out about everyone's life updates from Facebook or Instagram. So, when we post something on the internet, we think about how at least the people who know me will see this post, and probably some will even comment on it. With that in mind, we tend to be a little extra presentable and likeable all the time."
As a result, Instagram feeds are flooded with images of picturesque vacations, gourmet meals, and flawless faces, while Facebook timelines are filled with status updates of achievements and milestones. There are even memes about how, with every scroll, someone has a new job, someone is married, and another one is on a tour.
Meherin mentions how, since childhood, she never required any landlines or phone calls like her parents or her elder sisters. Instead, she connects with everyone through platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Discord. "These platforms are so open that I never post something without increasing its aesthetic value. Be it my own photo, my art, or just a caption, I try my best to make them as appealing to others as possible."
While everyone understands that their online persona is barely the full picture of their life, we still somehow fall into the trap of seeking satisfaction from the outside world. For example, even if someone thinks their outfit looks good today, that self-confidence will not be enough to fill their cup. Only when they post a selfie on their Instagram story and their friends comment on their good outfit will they find the true sense of achievement.
However, being concerned about what other people think about us is unrelated to social media. Shahin Sultana, a fifty-four-year-old homemaker from Dhaka, says, "My daughter created a Facebook account for me, but I don't use it for anything but to watch cooking videos. I have always worried more about what people will say in real life. So I think this concept has been going on for many years, even before Facebook."
Although she does agree that in the past, the simple act of wearing a nice outfit may have been driven by personal preference or practicality, in the age of social media, it upgrades to a new dimension. Often, people end up agonising over every detail, second-guessing their choices, and seeking reassurance from their online followers. Not only does the outfit need to be presentable, but it should also be photogenic.
We live for ourselves and for the sake of Instagram-worthy photos that will garner admiration and envy from those who follow us even for our smallest actions. We now subconsciously seek validation even for our sense of humour. Continuously checking how many people found the caption to our post funny might not be a big deal, but when this habit stacks up, it gradually becomes a self-esteem issue.
Ibnat Sadia, a fresher architect at Saif Ul Haque Sthapati, mentions how she sometimes gets tired of posting daily updates on her Instagram. "If there are nice comments, it'll boost my confidence, and rude comments might ruin my day," she says jokingly.
"But whatever it is, it will affect my mood. If this keeps happening for a long time, at a point, I'm going to be more dependent on other people's validation than I realise."
Even when we identify such a problematic habit, it is difficult to fix as it needs self-observation and complete confidence in one's self-worth and ethics.
Ibnat adds, "If we post a socially unacceptable opinion on a matter, and someone agrees with me, then I'll get validation for that and begin to think that I'm right even if the other person might not be knowledgeable on that topic. We just need an accomplice or a supporter for what we do and say."
So, is it impossible to stop being people-pleasers and reclaim our time and sense of self-worth?
The first step would be practising mindfulness when sharing personal information online. Building a habit of asking ourselves whether we are using social media to connect with our friends and family or posting updates to get validation from strangers can go a long way. Gradually, we can limit our tendency to seek approval from others.
Limiting the use of social media applications can also contribute to the improvement process. If we stop feeding our indulging desire of "just five more scrolls," it builds up as a resistance to the fear of missing out on social media, which is the root of the subconscious thought that we are missing out on receiving validation by not posting updates.
The human tendency to compare ourselves with others is a difficult chain to break free from. As we dislike being the odd one out, we crave the same validation the other person gets. Be it at the expense of our authenticity and individuality.
However, if we are still not aware enough, we all become the 'Stereotypical Barbie' from the Barbie movie that must live for other's approval, lest they say something.
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