Premarital relationship: Listen to the new generation

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Farjana Mir Nipa
Tamim and Mohona, final year students at a well-known university, are more than just friends. Their four-year friendship has blossomed into an affair. They have recently gone physical.
"We love each other. Our physical relationship has developed on a mutual understanding," says one of them. Both of them are happy about their relationship. They say they find nothing wrong in their relationship since it has grown out of love and care for each other.
Another pair, Romel and Tisha, had sex before they broke up. Tisha (not her real name) says, "We both consented to sex, but with an understanding that we would end the relationship if we did not like each other any more."
She says the relationship lasted one year until Romel started avoiding her. "At one stage he told me that if a woman could have sexual relationship before marriage she could betray even after the marriage. Naturally, I was shocked and we broke up."
Tisha further says girls in Bangladesh are required to uphold the traditional social and family values. ``And thus girls in our society are deprived of many choices. But boys enjoy more freedom, including having premarital sex," she says.
In spite of taboos and restrictions, many women in Bangladesh are becoming liberal about love and sex. The number of young men and women having premarital sex is increasing. It is not only limited to the students of colleges and universities, but also spread to other areas of the society.
International Centre for Diarrhoeal Disease Research, Bangladesh (ICDDR,B) and Bangladesh Rural Advancement Committee (BRAC) have recently been involved in a
research on the sexual health of rural youths in Bangladesh. The research has found that 50 per cent of the males in the study area have been sexually involved before their marriage.
An article titled 'Premarital Sex and Urban Adolescents in Bangladesh' by Obayedur Rob and Morium ul Matahara has shown that despite conservative values, 44 per cent boys and girls living in villages of Bangladesh and 90 per cent urban boys and girls have premarital sex. Because of extensive social restrictions the number of girls having premarital sex is much lower than that of boys. The survey concludes that 47 per cent urban girls and five per cent village girls experience sex before marriage.
Indian social researcher Ena Singh, who carried out a research in three urban areas of Bangladesh, has found that premarital sex is common among the youths. But girls do not take it as easily as boys do because of social pressure and risks involved in this.
Pressure of opposite sex, urbanisation, late marriage, curiosity, publicity and influence of mass media are among the reasons that lead young people to go for premarital sex. The survey shows 60 per cent urban males and 10 per cent urban females have premarital sex.
Anisur Rahman, a professor of Clinical Psychology of Dhaka University, says although premarital sex is viewed negatively in our country the youths of present generation are resorting to it due to late marriage, empowerment of women, high confidence, mutual understanding and contraceptives.Apart from this, pornography and media exposure have played some part, he says.He says premarital sex should not be allowed to go on. It creates more problems than it solves.
Hazera Begum, a Dhaka resident, says, in modern relationship it is observed that a girl may offer everything out of love. But, as the boy's body and mind work differently, he easily comes out of the relationship and marries another girl. Though regrettable, it is true that most of the premarital relationships do not lead to marriages. Boys never marry the girls who do not object to premarital sexual relationship.
Rupam and Rimi are also of the same opinion. They have been in love for five years, but do not believe in premarital physical relationship. They say they will not be clear in their conscience, as social tradition does not approve this. On the contrary, this will have a negative impact on the society, affecting the family attachment.
They further say due to the disapproval of the society they cannot have children even if they want to. The ability to have children may decrease if premarital sex goes on for a long time. If the relationship does not lead to marriage it will be difficult to adjust with the person later married to.
Rubayat Ferdous, an associate professor of Mass Communication and Journalism of Dhaka University, says premarital sexual relationship is part of life. As the state favours late marriage this relationship has to be taken liberally. "We have to provide space for the new generation by giving up Islamic bigotry. It absolutely depends on them how they fulfill their desires."
He says while taking a decision in this regard it is illogical to accept the decision of those parents and others, who are not well educated and unconnected with modern technologies and globalisation. But the youths should be independent, self-reliant and well educated.
They will also have to think before choosing friends.Agreeing with his university colleague, Professor AI Mahbub Uddin of Sociology says premarital sexual relationship is nothing new. It existed, it exists and it will exist. Secretly or openly, premarital relationship got the recognition of the society long ago. This sort of relationship takes place because of social perspective and personal need.
Mir Mosharraf Hossain, a lecturer of Mass Communication and Journalism of Chittagong University, says, the relationship between a male and a female is habitual. This is not viewed equally within tradition and outside tradition. The society still judges this by its existing norms. In line with the norms is legitimate, otherwise not.
He further says not only physical relationship the same also applies to psychological relationship.
Nevertheless, the time forced the society to recognise many unrecognisable things. There should be an intellectual social compromise between traditional social values and premarital physical relationship that totally ignores the social system.
In our country, premarital physical relationship does not have any legal recognition. Therefore, in order to protect amity and discipline of the family and society premarital physical relationship is not desirable. — NewsNetwork